Praise and Coffee

I started leading Praise and Coffee nights back in August. I am so encourage every month when we get together. I am still new to the area, but haven't let that slow me down. Even if it is just two of us it is worth getting together.

I have been working on getting the word out today and I just feel that the Lord is going to go great things.

We don't have anything formal planned. It is just woman getting together in a local coffee soap to encourage, inspire and connect. We get so busy with the daily responsibilities of life that it is just nice to slow down and enjoy each others company.

The group was originally started by Sue Cramer and a group of her friends. It has grown by leaps and bounds. People are forming groups all over the world. If it is something that you would like to join in on, check to see if there is a group in you area. If not, start one of your own. It is pretty easy.

I look forward to seeing what God does in the coming months.

Just a Wife

As you read this post, keep in my mind my reasons for starting this blog. In really life I am a quiet person until I get to know you. I have lived in Iowa just over a year now and still don't feel any really bonds with the woman around me. I use this blog as an outlet. Sometimes, I will type things like nobody is watching. 

In response to today's 31 days to love post, I do feel like I am I kind wife. I may be too kind. My own self esteem suffers from it. My home is no where near perfectly clean and/or decorated, but it's mine. I spend my days home schooling my children and don't always get everything done that I want to. I usually have meals cooked and bread baked. Not a big fan of treats in the house because I eat it. I know, selfish. 

A new thing that I have been doing on the evenings my husband is home from work early is have the kids greet him at the door. They usually would say hi and go back to what they were doing. Now, electronics are banned until later in the evening. We sit in the living room and focus all of our attention on dad. Has he noticed?  I'm not really sure. Usually within 15 minutes the remote is in hand and he is in his own world. 

I understand that he has to decompress. I got that, but I don't understand that he calls this spending time together. The tv stays on until we go to "bed." Then the bedroom tv goes on or the laptop is open. In other words, when he is at work he is not here and when he is home, he is not here. 

I love my husband dearly and I guess you are wondering if I have spoken to him about this. The answer is no. I don't plan to either. I feel that he is an adult and that is obviously how he wants to spend his time. Who am I to tell him different. Will this put a strain on our marriage? I don't know. 

31 Days to Love Challenge

It doesn't sound like it would be a difficult challenge at all. There are days that I go through, especially being a mom, where it's not so easy. I am joining this challenge to improve my love towards others, especially during those trying times. It is being hosted by Time-Warp Wife.

In today's challenge, we were instructed to read 1 Corinthians 13. It is the chapter on love. Love is a lot of things and has a lot of characteristics. I realize that I am not always patient or kind. That is what love is and I expect it from my children, but excuse it from myself. Well, it looks like I have a lot of work to do.

We are taking next week off from home school, so I have time to get better at this. There will be no melt downs or distractions, so we can just focus on loving one another.

Life is so Precious

I have learned a lot this week. I need to take better care of myself and to take life or people for granted. I was officially diagnosed with asthma this week. I am on two different medicines. One is for everyday use and the other is for emergencies. I've know that I had issues for a while, but it was always something that I could deal with on my own. Now, that I am getting older things aren't so easy anymore.

That is not what scared me straight. I had pretty much a great day on Tuesday. I started out by going for my jog in the morning. Then we took the kids to breakfast. After that we surprised them with a trip to the zoo. A good time was had by all. We came home and relaxed for a bit and all was good. Right around dinner time I had the worst head ache on one side of my head. I didn't even want to eat, but I did anyway. Then a bit after that I went to my room to lay down. My head hurt so bad that I couldn't even fall asleep.

John had to leave to go help his store with inventory, so I was still in bed when he left. I was laying in bed and all of a sudden I didn't feel so good. The room started spinning. I thought I was going to pass out. I couldn't find the bedroom phone so I went for the one in the hallway. NO DIAL TONE! I yelled for Jonaya to get me my cell, which was downstairs in the living room. I was telling her I didn't feel good without scaring her. I almost asked her if she knew how to dial 911, but I didn't. I held on and called John. He turned around immediately and came home. He said it sounded like my blood sugar had bottomed out. I had eaten pretty healthy that day. I got some sugar under my tongue and the feeling started to go away. More happened throughout the night, but I will spare you the details. I didn't have to go to the hospital and was feeling better by the next evening.

Even after John was back home I had a couple more episodes. I held on for my children. I thought if I passed out, I would miss something from their precious little lives. I wasn't sure how long it would take me to wake up. I thought about what would my husband do without me.

I have always under estimated my self worth. I always put myself last and says it didn't matter. Tuesday night, I realized that it does. My family needs me and I have to be here for them. This makes me appreciate the fact that they are here for me. It goes both ways. I have taken advantage of that and I want to change that.

I have been asking God what my purpose in life was. It is hard getting involved in a lot of church activities and other event going on with just one car and John working an odd schedule. God told me that I can start in my own house. Pour into my own children. Nurture them even more. Spend less time online. Take care of this house.

Well, two days later I was given even bigger plans. A neighbor that I have only met once before called me. I sold some Avon to her. She is a single mom with tow kids. She teaches at one of the local colleges once a week and her babysitter bailed. She asked me to go and get her kids. It was such an honor. I was glad to be able to take that stress away from her, so that she can do what she needed to do. I also told her they can come anytime, so she doesn't have to worry anymore.

Then I realized that there are so many more neighbors that I can help out. So, I keep praying for opportunity to be a shining light in my neighborhood.

Fall is in the Air

It looks like the dog days of summer are over. I air in the house has been off for a couple of days and the windows are open. at some points during the day, I have to put a blanket over my legs. I have one on right now.

I am happy that the weather is cooler, but it is just a sign that winter is around the corner. I am not looking forward to the snow. Oh well, that is what we signed up for when we moved here.

I know it has been quite some time since my last post, but I just didn't have much to talk about. I still don't really, but I will add some of my daily life. If I bore you, I am sorry.

My oldest turned 9 yesterday. Where has the time gone? She has become quite the young lady. Now Ian wants to have his birthday. It's not for another 2 months and every morning he wakes up saying it's his birthday. It is going to be a long 2 months.

I am working on a few things this fall. I am trying to get my body in better shape. I did a summer Bible study called Made to Crave, by Lysa Terkeurst. Then we had a Zumba class and I fell in love with it. I want to continue my fitness goals and get certified to become an instructor. Three weeks ago I start a jogging program  to work my way to running a 5k. I have no intentions on signing up to do one, but knowing that I can will be pretty cool.

I am also making some better food choices and trying to eat clean. If I run into any great recipes, I will share that.

It's also time to pick up a crochet hook and bust out a few new projects. I will share my progress with that.

I hope this finds you healthy and happy.

Stay beautiful!

New Me

Back in the fall I had decided to grow my hair back natural. I have been chemically straightening it since I was a kid, so that is all I knew.

Well, the last time that I straightened it was back in November. Since then I have been braiding it and wearing hair pieces. I started getting tired of the hair pieces and yesterday, I was going to go out and buy a new one. Then I decided, why spend the money. Let's see what I have underneath and if it looks, bad then I will go get a new wig.

So, I let my husband cut all of the straight hair off and this is what I ended up with.

I was scared, but now that it is done, I love it. Now, I get to have some fun just from getting to know my hair.

Up until now, I have always been self conscious of my hair. That is why I covered it. If my hair wasn't long and flowing, I wasn't happy with myself.

Anyway, i will post periodical pictures to keep up with my journey. Thanks for listening.

To Be…Know Your Name

Last night was the kick off for our 6-week long Chillville at church. It’s where the woman get together for fellowship, fun, and to hear a great lesson.

It was an eye-opener. We talked about what is in a name. There meanings and even nicknames.  We were asked several questions, like if we liked our names. How they make us feel? If we could change our name what would we change it to and why?

The analogy was an eclipse. The sun was being blocked from it’s true identity and that is the way a lot of Christians live their lives. The dark spot represented Satan. He is the one that makes you start believing lies about who you are.

Have you ever been called a name that you didn’t like? Did it make you not feel good enough? Like a bad mom/dad? Like you are just not worth it?

I didn’t remember this last night, but while I was up early this morning working in the garden, I had time to reflect on last night.

One of my husband’s shift managers, now assistant, always calls me wife #2. It’s not really a nick name per se, but a title. Well, I started to feel like I was and it put doubts in my head.

Whenever I needed him, he had to work. On a few occasions while he was home, she would call and say she was having a bad night at the store and he would go running. He is always her night in shining armor, just to find out she was playing and got behind. I usually wouldn’t see him again that night. So, after a while I did see myself as the 2nd wife.

I’m not insinuating that he would ever cheat, so let me nip that in the bud before I say this. He did tell me that if he was 20 years younger and single she would be the type of girl he would go after.

That didn’t make me feel good. Not smart on his part. It was just another reason for me to feel insecure.

Well, I just roll with it. She still calls me wife #2 and sometimes I even refer to myself as just that when I am speaking to her. I don’t like it. I’m her boss’ wife and she needs to respect me as that, but if it doesn’t bother my husband I’m not going to say anything.  She is a nice girl and I like her.

Speaking of that, there was another young lady that called my husband, “Bookie.” That bothered me, too. I’ve heard her say it in front of me. It just sounded awfully personal for a employee employer relationship.

I’ve never reacted because it’s just a name, a word. I didn’t want to sound immature for bringing it up.

Do you remember saying on the school playground, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names/words will never hurt me.”

I learned last night that that is not a very accurate statement. It has a deep impact on who you are as a person.

I won’t be able to make Chillville for the next two sessions, but it is broadcasted live on June 22 and 29, from 7-9 pm. Then again on July 13, 20, and 27th. This is and ongoing series and I will update my thoughts for all the ones that I get to join. If you would like to join us yourself you can log on at http://www.gracefellowshipchurch.com, during the above times.

At the Well...In Pursuit of Titus 2: Nag Is Not My Name

At the Well...In Pursuit of Titus 2: Nag Is Not My Name

Wow! This is such an awesome post. I wanted to share. It will also be a constant reminder when I do have those days. I sure do have those days.

Just this morning I made a comment as he walked out the door about the clean clothes he threw on the floor. I didn't say it in a mean way, but I shouldn't have said anything at all.

Lord, please help me remember to only speak encouraging words to my husband. Help me remember that I am his helper.

Amen

Where am I?

Do you ever feel like that lost puzzle piece or the extra screws that come with furniture and serve no purpose? A lot of times that is the way I fell about my life. I'm 33, yeah...I know, and I have no clue what I have been put on this earth for.

I don't really have any talents and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I try to find people with common interests and that is all it ends up being, a common interest.

I feel like such a loner, I treat my friends just like they are my family. I think some of them think that I'm weird because I will actually take time out of my day to see how someone is doing. I actually don't call people as much as I want to because I feel like a bother. Most people just call me when they want something.

I've prayed and prayed about this and maybe I'm just not a good friend. I try to be there for people through thick and thin. Most people go to family when a problem arises, so I step back.

What constitutes a good friend in this day and age? That fake, "hi, how ya doing?" I'll see ya when I see ya is for the birds.

I guess this is something that I have to get over. As lonely as it is, I would rather have no friends than shady friends.

Why Weight Around?

I've been following this program for about a year now and I still want to lose another 50 pounds or so. I've been fooling around and making excuses on why I couldn't do it. This has been going on since before the holidays. Enough is enough, right? I have done great so far, I have lost 30 pounds and kept it off. I just need to focus on that final lap.



You can see it in my face. This was me before.



This is my face after. Sorry, I don't take a lot of pictures.


Basically, this book is not a diet plan, but a weight loss strategy. I can still eat whatever I want to, but I can only take a total of 5 bites per meal and I only eat twice a day. I just have to remember to have protein and take my vitamins. I know that sounds crazy, but it works and I wasn't hungry. It takes about 3 days to shrink down your stomach and it's like having gastric bypass surgery without the surgery. See how much money I saved my self. Not only is the grocery bill significantly lower, no surgery!!

If you are trying to lose weight, I highly recommend you reading this book. You can get it at Amazon from the link above. Everything the Dr Alwin Lewis says makes sense. I'm going to be starting again on Monday, so I can at least put on a bathing suit this summer.

I will post updates of my progress.

Children

Becoming a mother is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. Even though it is a tough job, I enjoy what I do.





Jonaya, my 6 year old, is becoming a little lady. It's so cute when we are sitting at the dinner table and I can see her from the corner of my eye trying to imitate me. That is such a big job. I have a lot to live up to. I can't believe the lord trusted me with such a huge responsibility.

Ian is my little man. I couldn't imagine my life without him. He is so attached to me and it makes me feel so special. It will beak my heart when he get older and is like, get off of me mom. When I leave him at the nursery at church and he cries for me, it just melts my heart. Jonaya has never once cried when I left her. She will usually shove me out the door. Boys and girls are so different.

When John and I first got married he had said that he wanted 5 children. Since I'm the one that has to do most of the work, I talked him down to 3. I thought that was a good compromise.

As you can see from the picture above, I still "owe" him one.

Our plan was to have them back to back. Things never go as planned, do they? It's a long story. Maybe, I will blog about it another day, but I have spent most of my adult life and marriage trying to get pregnant.

Right now is a time where I'm actually not trying. The only reason that I have been avoiding it is because things have been so stressful with day to day life stuff.

The question has recently come up. Are we or aren't we? Up until now, I have had mixed feelings. If I have another one is it going to make things more stressful for the family. We have been through a lot of changes and we are comfortable now. Then if I don't have another one, will I look back and think, "what if I had?"

It's a big step, but I think we are going to go for it! We only live once and we just have to take it day by day. I'm sure with us moving into our house and building a homestead with a mostly self sustained life will help. I have made it a hobby to try to get the most out of our money.

By the way, if we do have another one I want to experience a home water birth. That would be cool!

Scales of Justice

I thinks it's just a natural born instinct for us to judge and compare with those around us.

From when we are children we make sure we get everything that our sibling is getting. It has to be the same amount. No more no less. If this doesn't happen we make sure that or objections are heard. Sometimes we get our way and other times we are not so lucky.

As we grow up and become teenagers we have to be wearing the coolest sneakers and keep up with the latest fashions. Does this measure our self worth? No. It is just a way for us to feel excepted by others. When you don't do these things, you are looked upon and "less" than they.

Then you think it is all over and you go to college and you have to go to the "best" school and have a major that will get you a good job to take care of yourself and your future family.

When does it end? Does it ever?

Now that I am a mom and wife. I still find myself on the scale. Did I make the right decision staying home and not having a career. We have given up a lot as a family, so that I could stay home. Am I looked upon as lazy, over-protective, or poor? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to impress people, but these things do cross my mind.

As a wife, I will "test" John to see if he is willing to change a diaper just like I am. When he is home, I will say I got the last one, it's your turn.

If I do all of the housework, I like when it is noticed. If I'm tired, John should be tired, too. If he gets to relax, why don't I get a break?

I know it's wrong to compare myself to others. I need to just be me. Like, I said, I think we are just born with it and woman have it worse.

Cafe Chat 5/2

In the eyes of the world, it is not our relationship with Jesus Christ that counts; it is our resemblance to him!

When you read the quote above, especially the last part of the quote, do you agree with the author or disagree? Why did you answer the way you did?

Well, when I initially read that. I totally agreed. Now, I have a mixed opinion.

I'm sure you have heard the saying, "you can't please everybody." The line in that quote can go both ways.

There are going to be people that notice your actions and the way you handle situations. I honestly wouldn't see the eyes of the world connecting it with Jesus. They would just know that I was a good person and I do things with honesty and integrity.

One of the things, I should be doing is loving thy neighbor. Well, we just moved here about 3 months ago. I have introduced myself to my neighbor. We have talked a lot and even our kids play together. I invited her to dinner on a night we had a snow storm. She said that she was going to her moms to do laundry and she would call me. I said, ok, and that dinner was at 6 pm. 6:30 came and I never heard from her. I figured she left my number at home and she stayed at her moms because the weather was getting bad. The next time that I saw her she didn't say one word to me.

What I'm getting at is that really hurt my feelings. I wanted to day something her and I haven't. If she needs something I am still there for her. When I see them coming home, I still put a smile on my face.

Does she see a difference in me? Maybe. Would she connect that with my relationship with Jesus? I think not.

Now, looking at it from the other perspective. Someone in your life may notice that you act different. You hold a higher standard than most. They may even ask you directly why are you so happy, so full of love, etc. this situation has happened so many times (not me personally) that it has been the opportunity to bring people to faith. Then your relationship with Jesus is what counts 100%.

Christin over at Journey of Devotion made a great point.

"This is not to say that some people won't notice. But if they are coming to Jesus on the basis of seeing love, peace, and joy and not because they have sinned and recognize they need Him, they are converting under a pretense and thus is not a true conversion."

As for me personally, I stopped caring what people think of me a long time ago. I have even taken this attitude with my own mother and I grew up trying to make her happy. I just live my life the way I see fit and be true to myself.

I hope this makes sense.

For more responses to this question visit Internet Cafe.

Cafe Chat

On a scale of 1-10, with a 10 representing the strongest, rate how you do with reading and studying the Bible. Why did you rate yourself as you did?

If you are struggling with reading God’s Word, make a list of possible stumbling blocks.

Make a list of how we can grow closer to Jesus through the reading and studying of God’s Word.

This is my first chat and I'm excited to be joining! To be totally honest, I would have to rate myself as a 4. I know that is a shame. I do want to learn so much and I find myself studying a lot, but many times it is out of another book that references back to the Bible. I also miss some days of doing just that. I make the excuse that life gets in the way, but that no excuse at all.

My list of stumbling blocks. Sometimes, it's just laziness. Once the kids are awake and I have started my day, I feel like I have missed that opportunity of 1 on 1 time with God.

To change this, I can always sneak away throughout the day and spend even a few moments reading my Bible. I can lock myself in the bathroom if I have too. I neve rthink about reading before bed time

Time to Rewind

I'm sorry, that I didn't get a chance to post yesterday. I really did want to, but spent the whole day in the backyard getting it ready for a garden.

I mentioned in my previous post that I had a bad day on Monday (4/13). I would like to go back and express some of my feelings.

I was feeling a lot of pressure from not being able to meet all of my responsibilities. It's amazing how the lord works because I have already gotten some answers and feel a lot better today.

Before John left for work, I was in tears. I figured he would just leave and I would get over it. That is actually what I wanted him to do. I didn't want to tell him how I was feeling because I don't think it is fair to him because I can't uphold my responsibilities and I didn't want to sound ungrateful for all that he does.

I was just tired and overwhelmed. Quite a bit of things to keep this household going is on my shoulders. My house is a mess, I have tons of school work to do with Jonaya, I haven't been able to work a lot to help the family financially. We are behind in bills. There was no gas in the car. My child is having behavioral issues. The list just goes on and on.

I don't know who to ask for advice and I don't get a break. I just saw my world unraveling.

John did stay home and we talked. He did promise to help me more with the house and kids when he is home. I told him that I know that he works a lot of long hours and wants to rest when he is home, that is why I don't ask for anything. I feel like a single mom when he is here and when he is not here. During this conversation is when it came out that he thought I wanted to leave him. That goes back to him getting into "it" with my mom and us moving out. He thought that he was getting the repercussions of that and the fact that we are not as intimate as he would like us to be.

I didn't tell him this, but it has nothing to do with him. It's kind of a psychological thing. When things aren't in order and I'm stressing about so many other things. I'm tired, life's pleasures don't even cross my mind. So, I realized that I need to learn how to be a better wife. This is my first time, so I don't have a clue. I also, didn't grow up with an example since my mom was single.

Well, on Monday I also started reading the book for my Bible study. I'm just into the first chapter and I can't believe the things that I learned already. If I always go to Jesus and "sit at his feet" and listen, everything else will follow. The way it was explained to me was what I have been doing is putting the carriage before the horse. Well, no wonder it's so hard for me to get the job done.

My memory scripture is:

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. "

That is exactly what I need to hear. I have not been coming to Jesus. I've been caught up in my daily activities that I have forgotten what is most important.

Now, that I have slowed down in the last couple of days and took the time to put the horse in front of the carriage, I have gotten so much more accomplished.

Yesterday, I started to prepare the soil for our garden. We have been waiting to get it tilled and I decided to just do it. Not only is if finally getting done, I'm trying to keep that $50 in our pocket. We really can't afford to pay someone else to do if for us. I think the vegetables will taste much better, too, since all of us were out there going at it. We could use and extra shovel or two, though...LOL

Well, duty does call, but I hope to be able to post again soon.

Welcome to Graceful Feet!

You are probably thinking, "graceful feet, what?" Well, I want this blog to cover all aspects of my life. My goal is to be able to walk through all things with grace and dignity. Hence the name, "Graceful feet." I was also a dance major in college and left that life to become a mom and wife.

The reason that I decided to start this blog is because I had a really bad day yesterday and I need someplace that I can express my thoughts and feelings. I don't have many friends and the ones that I do have I don't want to bother with my burdens. They have busy lives, too.

I think that I try to be good at everything and find that I'm not good at anything. First and foremost, I want to be a good child of God. I still consider myself a baby Christian. I have a lot of growing to do in that area. I try to surround myself with woman that are spiritually strong and can kind of guide me along the way. I also recently joined an online Bible study that I am really excited about. It's based on the book "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver.

Next, after 10 years of marriage, I'm still learning how to be a good wife. I recently learned that my husband thought that I wanted a divorce for the last 6 months. All of this time, I thought we had a great marriage and that we were on the same page. I know it's not perfect, but those thoughts have never even crossed my mind. There are some other issues behind his reasons for thinking that, but we will go into that another day. Just note, I have never nor will I ever contemplate divorce. It's not even in my vocabulary. No matter what we go through now and in the future, we will fix it.

I am also learning how to be a good mother. Ha, I learn something new everyday. All I know is that I want what is best for my children. I want them to be happy, healthy and to grow up with good character and qualities.

During the day, I am a teacher. I home school Jonaya and plan on doing the same with Ian. It's hard to stay disciplined and to make sure she gets her work done. Some days, neither one of us want to get anything done. I'm always wondering in the back on my mind if I am doing enough.

Along with this, I am trying to keep the household running smoothly. I will tell you now that I'm not the best housekeeper, but I'm learning. I'm trying to get the kids to pitch in, so it doesn't all fall on me. Sometimes, I also feel guilty for being home when I can be out working and providing a better life (financially) for my family. I do work part time, when times allows me to answering phones for a company from home.

That is an awful lot of hats for one person to wear. Yes, I try to be the best at all of them. I search for better ways to do these things everyday.

So, join me on my different walks of life while I try to do them with, "Graceful Feet." I may post everyday, several times a day, or less often than that. Feel free to post comments.